Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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