My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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