I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Randomize
