You really coming over, don't trick.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
