i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
