Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
