The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
