Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
