i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
