Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
