somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
