three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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