grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
