There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
