You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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