The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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