It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
