Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
