I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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