Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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