we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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