i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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