My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
