Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i think we sleep fucked last night...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
