I look better un-naked...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
