good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
