see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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