every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
