like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
