At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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