Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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