I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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