you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
