He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
