I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
