This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
