I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
