Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
