his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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