he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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