It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
