Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
