i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
