Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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