That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
