when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
zippers are such a cool invention
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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