wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
