we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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