My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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