Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
